Catharsis

A welcome back into the world of the perpetually single is in order for me. Once again, things have proven to be not what they seem, and I am looking once more for my true match. As much as I love Chris, and as much as I would like to be with him, I feel that there are things I have changed about myself to better accomodate him (not because he asked me to) and judgments that I would have made differently if I was not in that relationship. I am blessed to have him as a friend and I certainly hope that the last two months will remain as special in his memory as they will in mine.

Tonight I went out with Josh and Angela, and they took away any sense of melancholy I may have felt as a result of the breakup. Talking to Josh was especially cathartic because he understands what I'm going through in a way that nobody else seems to. Every thought that went through my head and began from my mouth finished from his. It's spooky, though in an exciting way, to hear your thoughts echoed to you before you have a chance to voice them.

I don't want to continue fawning adulation over Josh and possibly making him out to be something otherworldly, because such is not the case. He is as down to earth as he is extraordinary, as young at heart as he is old in spirit. I can't explain where this connection came from or possibly begin to imagine where our friendship will go because of it, but he truly makes me want to be a better person. Besides - it's nice to be able to express my feelings to someone who appreciates them rather than questioning my motives or reasons for feeling that way.

It'll be nice to continue reinvestigating and reevaluating who I am behind all the decisions I've made, and to make the changes necessary to come back on the right path. I want Josh's help with that and I meant to talk to him about it tonight, but I didn't get the opportunity because we weren't alone for any substantial time. Even if we had been, I'm not sure where to begin. Perhaps I should email him...