All The Pieces Of The Puzzle

Tonight was interesting. Holly is back in town, so we gathered a large group and met little by little at the Enclave, after which we went to Applebee's (kudos to Josh for the idea) for half-price appetizers.

It's always good to see Holly and Ryan, who I'm glad I met as a result of knowing the beautiful Holly. They are educated and mature but also goofy and crazy and great fun to be around. Karyn and Alex strike me as much the same; after all, they're our age too despite the fact that they're married - proof positive that vows do not age you. Right away.

I got to see Mike again too, which hasn't happened in too long. As a matter of fact, I think the last time I saw him was when Holly was here last month and we all went to the zoo. I think we ended up at Kan Zaman that night too, or maybe it was the night before, but either way he didn't go. Must have been the night before.

Chris was bummed and more than a little reserved throughout the evening, partially because we were (scolded? lectured?) admonished by the manager at Applebrizzle (hehehe) that we were being just a little too loud for the comfort of their other guests...which were, surprisingly, high in the number of children present for it being nearly 11 pm, regardless of the summer status. Oh well, we'll see the results of such child-rearing when it comes time to hand out degrees and burger-flipping jobs. Perhaps they're just molding the children for third-shift labor positions.

But I digress. I don't know exactly what it was that made Chris distant, be it the lack of tobacco or the noise or just plain male PMS, or a combination of the three. The latter is the basic explanation I get from Chris, and for now that's what I have to accept. I just hope this isn't the beginning of a trend; though we decided we were going to take things easy we've still spent just about every day together, as if we can't get away from one another. And I enjoy the time we spend, except it seems that Chris doesn't understand some of what it means to be in a relationship. As in, I like to be touched affectionately. I am tactile, and hugs make me feel alive and loved. And I need that. That doesn't mean that I'm looking for "blowing kisses and writing little love notes" as he so cynically put it, but a physical withdrawal is to me indicative of deeper feeling. I may need to adjust my perceptions on that a bit, but the fact remains that I still like to be hugged, and it's depressing when I feel the need to go to someone else for the hug to fill the void.

The best part of the evening by far was spending time with Josh. I don't think I've mentioned him in here before, though he's inspired some of my most cynical poetry. I like telling the story, not because it makes me look good or that it even really makes him look good, but because it's a perfect example of taking a closer look at someone before making judgments about them. He was the kid in the back of my poetry class who always liked to make comments about the proceedings or lack thereof, something I found to be annoying at first. So I brushed him off and wrote some of that cynical poetry.

But then he approached me in History, I don't even remember for what, and we started talking. That was the best thing that could have happened to me, because I found a soul mate. I feel most times talking to him as if I'm talking to myself, because the things I'm thinking come out of his mouth. He's bright and funny and very spiritual yet very down to earth, a combination that in a friend is absolutely irresistable. And the same passion that burns in me burns in him, so I know that someone in this world understands what it means to love with your whole heart and to devote yourself entirely to one person. And, he knows what it's like to be hurt. I love him for all the things he is, and the way he's shown me to be. I admire him, and respect him, and I'm blessed beyond measure that he was able to look past my superiority complex and find something worth liking anyhow. I'm glad I took a closer look, even if he took the first step.

What I feel for Josh doesn't in any way diminish what I feel for Chris; as I was discussing with Holly after he left, the soul finds many mates who, in their own special way, touch and feed a part of the psyche that the others may or may not see, may or may not understand, but cannot reach for whatever reason. This doesn't make any one person or part less than the others or less important in achieving the whole; rather, a person can only be whole if they accept and embrace all those around them who enrich their soul and cause them to be better people. Chris holds a very special place in my heart and complements a part of my psyche, while Josh holds another very special place and is able to reach the other part of me. Because of them, and the other people around me, I am whole.