Rebounding

Kennedy died 42 years ago today.
How else do I feel? Eh, not much at all. I don’t even know why I decided to write, except that I had the urge to put something down. What that thought is, I don’t know either...I suppose I have to just keep going until it expels itself.
I feel pretty good, come to think of it. I took a few extra minutes for myself this morning; I slept over for 20, then took the time to curl my hair for just a little bit of body. It’s true; girls feel different when they wear makeup and dress themselves up just a little. I feel...more powerful, prettier, more like people will take me seriously. Well, if they look past the faux fur, lol...but it’s still pretty cute.
Listening to Norah Jones. Wow, she’s a good singer. And she sends good messages. I never thought I would particularly like jazz, but her style is smooth and easy to listen to. It is beautiful.
I don’t know how I feel about being single. There’s a freedom that comes with it that feels absolutely delicious...but there’s the absence of feeling, that disconnection of a receptor that makes me feel that something’s missing. But whatever that something is, it’s in myself and not in anybody else. It has to be; I can’t go looking for another person to provide the part of me I think I’ve lost or not quite grown yet. I am a whole person...I just have to realize it.
There are strange thoughts going through my head, particularly about somebody we’ll call X, just for the purpose of anonymity. He’s such a nice guy, and so responsible and smart and...well, the type of person I hope to be with one day. He’s a lot older than I am, and even now I’m not sure if I have a genuine interest in him or if it’s just that I see where I want to be when I look at him. He’s a good friend, at the very least, and I don’t really think there’s anything else there. If there was, I’d be sure. And he would know it too. Something that definite is unmistakable...and I would hate to think that I’m just transferring the vestiges of a feeling in order to not be alone.
I’ve done rebounds before, and they made me realize why I don’t play basketball.
There, I think I’ve got the right thought out there. And it’s a lot easier to deal with once it’s articulated. God be with me, and with all those whom I’ve met and have yet to meet. Show me love, and how to love others.