All These Thoughts...

I'm drowning. Has anybody ever had the sensation? I feel it searing my lungs and tearing my heart. My eyes are watering and my body is tensing.
It's a broken heart.
There are those who say that there is one person meant solely for another person in the world, and that one is lucky if they find their match. I feel as if I have found mine. But what do you do when others try to keep you apart? And worse, when one or both of you are in no position to change that?
My relationship was the epitome of a lasting, devoted relationship. Now, it's a mock of junior high with a little bit of secrecy that shouldn't even be necessary. All we're missing is the notes passed in the hallway. But it's more eighth grade than seventh: at least we talk on the phone!
I understand that there are also those in the world who have to make a relationship work with minimal communication at random times. My heart goes out to them, and I pray that it works better for them than it does for me.
But that's just it. It doesn't work for me. I need a level of connection that just can't be reached with a late-night phone call when one person is doing all the talking and the other just seems to want to hang up. That's a sign of disintegration, that is. But nobody wants to admit it. I need to be held, to be able to sit there for forty minutes if that's what I choose and just look at him, see him there and feel his love. You can't feel love on a computer screen. Technology is cold.
Growing up, growing apart - growing together, how do I know? At the rate we're going, four years from now we'll be able to have a connection again. By then, though, we'll be perfect strangers. Only so much can be communicated over the telephone; even if I gave him minute-to-minute updates about my life, the essence would be lost in translation. The lack of common experiences from this point forward would render us incapable of picking up where we left off. Even in a match made in heaven, this sort of problem is insurmountable. The point of a relationship is to grow together...not to grow apart.
I write this with a heavy heart, weighed down with pain, yearning and anxiety. I wish I could say I'm hopeful for a resolution, but all I see ahead is empty and abstract promises.
To the real lovers in the world...I hope you really appreciate what you have.