Thinking

I'm more calm today. Breathe in, breathe out, don't focus too much on tomorrow, just make it through the day. I have some perspective. How much it will help, I can't be sure. Still, it's there.
Nobody I've talked to seems to think that what happened on Friday was cause for as much reaction as it earned. As much as that helps me rationalize it, I know that it won't help when the inevitable occurs. All I can do is put my tail between my legs and take on as much of the accountability as I can have.
I read over some of Brian's old posts yesterday, since he hasn't made a blog entry in the longest time. No matter, since I hear about everything anyway. I remember that week in February, the week of Valentine's Day, when everything was perfect and we first discussed forever. Things seemed so simple then; we were getting through school and discovering each other. We truly enjoyed each other then. Now, I look back at that week and I wish that just for a day we could have that kind of freedom. It would seem that more freedom would come with age, but in his case it's exactly the opposite.
One day, twenty-four hours in which I can enjoy Brian and he can enjoy me, without anybody calling or walking in to interrupt the sheer joy. A couple of hours where I can lie in his arms and go to sleep, curled against his warm body and content in the simple closeness. Nothing else really matters that much.