Gold Stars

Life has become all about seeking approval. Has anybody else noticed this? Instead of seeking to grow as people, looking for truth and knowledge and being the best individuals we can while in this mortal coil, we're all out whoring ourselves for that elusive gold star.

It all starts in kindergarten. If you line up correctly, speak only when spoken to, and your glue dots are pretty, it's a gold star for you! Of course the criteria becomes more difficult and challenging as the years go on; eventually it's the perfect paper or a properly conducted science experiment. It seems the only people who eschew the idea of a gold star are colleges and parents. Colleges, of course, expect that if you're paying them tens of thousands of dollars a year plus books, room and board you're also going to pay them with hours and hours of attention and dedication to improving your own future. A gold star on top of such an accomplishment can only be described as superfluous.
Parents, however, take the notion of a gold star to an entirely new level, by making it essential that their children reach that level and then never awarding that symbol of achievement. The gold star is transformed into a goal that much be reached, akin to dangling a carrot in front of the unsuspecting child's nose:

I've accomplished much in my near-19 years of life. I've won several spelling bees, earned gold medals in solo and ensemble competitions, played the lead in more than a few theatrical productions. I graduated with honors and was inducted into PTK. For all of this I received a certain amount of accolade. But there were also days when I went out looking for a job and came home empty handed. There were days when I just wasn't feeling or doing my best. And just like that, the carrot was gone.
Take my beloved for another example. He's getting ready to leave for college in the next year. Right now his days are full of needing to work more hours, not doing his chores, and looking at a plethora of schools which he believes (quite correctly) are not a good fit for him. His parents are pushing him to be a better person, to step up and take responsibility for himself before they let him out into the big bad world. I commend them for that. The problem, then, is in the colleges and their perception of his ability to attend one or more. He wants to go to Ashland. Certainly, part of that is because I want to go to Ashland; however, he has his own reasons that have nothing to do with me and everything to do with how he felt when he toured the campus.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is no ordinary carrot. It's not even a gold star. It's a golden carrot!
::grand hurrah::
And that's where he is today. Tomorrow - another college, one that he was forced to look up. I don't want to criticize, but every other day he hears the threat: "Living at home and going to school is going to look really good..." I don't know about anybody else in the world, but I wouldn't want to go through four extra years of being told what to do, when to do it, how to dress, when I have to be home, etc. Financially none of us live in a perfect world, so we don't always get what we want; still, shouldn't there be some degree of acceptance and comfort in a school which will take your first year's salary and much more to pay off?
The point of this tirade is that he is a prime example of "goldstarless syndrome" as I have dubbed it. Parents do what they want their kids to do, demand and constantly remind them when something is amiss. But what happens when they do something right? I have yet to hear a parent I know look at their son or daughter and say, "I'm proud of you. I'm so glad you're my child, and I'm proud of the person you are," for no reason. Is it too much to ask to wake up and say, "Good morning, I love you" to a child who is yearning for approval?
Blame it on the schools if you want. They're the ones who instituted gold star hysteria. But don't expect your child's teachers and friends to substitute for the love and pride and compassion they should be getting from home. Those are the real gold stars, and they should be given freely.