The Glory Of God

I've made a few realizations today. Going to church - well, Sunday school - today was so wonderful, and enlightening. God really does lead you to the right place at just the time you need to be there.
This morning we talked about the story of Balaam and his donkey, and how each of us should be like the donkey - for those of you who don't know, meaning that we should all be there for our friends and try to help them even when they throw it back in our face. Also, we need to learn from Balaam's mistake and pay attention when warning signs are popping up. Brian is my donkey; if it hadn't been for him I would probably still be lost in my own confusion. Thank God forever and ever for him.
Tonight we had a healing service. We prayed and lit candles and had the elders anoint those who are ill and seeking healing. I prayed for Amber; as far as I know she's still in a coma, or at least in the hospital. I don't know her but she's a friend of my brother's and I'm hoping that perhaps her overdose will slap him in the face and show him that what he's doing isn't good. I feel bad that I don't get to see him or be as much of a positive influence as I would like to be; I need to change that, need to be the donkey that squats in his path. So I called him just now, and I told him I love him. I haven't said that to him in awhile, and it felt good just to let him know that I am here, that he isn't alone.
I thought a lot about others too, people I've lost or their families who cope every day with the heartache. I thought first of Meredith, who I never actually met but who was a year ahead of me at Open Door when she died. I cried for her, and for Nikki and Candi and David and Chris, just everybody who's had some sort of impact on me. I cried tears of joy for Monique, and prayed that this pregnancy will turn out well and she'll finally have the child she's wanted for so long. Nobody deserves it more than her. I prayed for Jen, that she will also have a successful and safe pregnancy, and that she will open her eyes to the harm she's doing to herself and Kali and turn from that path so she and her children can have a happy life together.
I cried for Brian. It's amazing that God would send such a person into my life just when I thought that he didn't exist. We talked about our relationship and about how all three aspects of a good relationship fall right into place. He said our relationship is beautiful, and I agree. I couldn't think of a better one. And he cried for me too; cried for happiness that I've changed direction and have come back into the light of God's glory. All of that is a part of what I'm grateful for. I'm grateful that I can wake up each and every morning, breathe the air, see and hear and speak clearly. I'm happy that I can sing or not sing, that I can walk about freely. I'm blessed in my tears, for even the saddest ones show that I have a heart that feels emotion. I am not empty; I am full in God's love.
I talked to Phil - actually, still am talking to Phil - and I think he's going to come to church with us next week. He's so lonely, and my heart breaks for him. I love him like I love my own brother, and I'm so glad that we've become friends. Still, the only real friends he has in his mind are Brian and me, and it makes me so sad because I can't always be there and neither can Brian. I don't know what all is going on in his mind, only that he needs so much more than we alone can give him. I pray that God would show Phil just how loved he truly is, by Him and by us. I also pray that Phil doesn't punk out on us next week (:P Phil!) and gives it a chance, even for one day. I think it will do him good.
For anybody else who happens upon this, just know that you are loved, by God and by others in your life. And even when you feel like you're totally alone, you're never quite so - just call out for God, who is always cradling you in His love.
Blessings to all,
Fabala